Hair Envy « A Peine For Your Thoughts

Hair Envy

July 20, 2010 at 3:51 pm | Posted in Guarantaryn | 9 Comments
Tags: celebrities, hair, Houston, humor, weather

It’s raining here in Houston for the 4,000th time this week. With all of this rain, my thoughts have turned to serious matters.

Namely, my hair.

My lifelong struggle with my hair is the very reason I pray God blesses me with a bushel of boys, all of whom will be lined up each week for a military-style high and tight with Drew’s electric clippers. When I was growing up, I was a hair terror. Every morning before elementary school, I collapsed in a heap of despair, always brought on by the same crisis: chronic bang under-performance. I wailed. I cried. I once grew so desperate for some hair spray to tame one unruly hair that I sprayed a bucket load of room deodorizer on my wretched locks. My hair made me illiterate.

The unending rain and humidity makes me think of my hair because bad hair looks WORSE in rain and humidity. I don’t have terrible hair. It’s just indecisive. It’s sort of curly and sort of straight. I’m thankful I have it, but I wish it would decide. I really don’t care one way or the other. But while I’m wishing here, I’d like to wish for the type of hair that can be air-dried and look terrific. Or can be “tousled.” Or can be “sexy and messy.” A stranger once referred to my hair as “newscaster hair.” Neat compliment. Except I’m not a newscaster. And everyone knows newscasters can’t get near open flames with their hair. And I’ll just go ahead and be honest. Neither can I.

If my hair were to jump off my head and someone else’s hair were to knock on my door, I’d probably be too hot for the internet. Which would be a pity. Just look at me wearing the hair of my girl crush Kate, from “Lost.”

Beachy. Windblown. Sexy. Wow.

Or, the queen of tousled hair, Jennifer Aniston. If I would have had her hair on my wedding day, I wouldn’t have had to walk down the aisle to Drew. He would have ran down the aisle to ME! Sheesh.

And then, of course, there’s Kim Kardashian. Say what you want about her, but you can’t say a bad thing about her hair. Just drink in this hotness.

So I gave myself her chest too. Big whoop.

9 Comments »

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It’s amazing how much difference hair makes! You wouldn’t really be able to recognize you in any of the pictures at a quick glance–just because of the hair styles. I’m just thankful for my hot iron–at least I can walk through doorways (still bump into them, though).

Comment by Heather — July 20, 2010 #

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Haha! This was hilarious, and I have the same kind of hair It’s long, thick, wavy slash curly slash strait slash BIG. And I was thinking how funny it was you put your face on Kim K’s whole body too before I read your last line, lol.

Kim
http://photo-salsa.com

Comment by Kim — July 20, 2010 #

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Those are…slightly creepy. The first kind of makes me think of that famous Bigfoot picture, if Bigfoot were pretty.

Summer is my hair’s favorite season. Hallelujah for small miracles.

Comment by Amber — July 20, 2010 #

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Ha, ha!!! That’s great!

Comment by Nicole — July 21, 2010 #

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I have hair problems too. Very frizzy and curly. My hair does take to straightening well, but I’m not getting up early to spend 30 minutes on my hair every morning!

Comment by KT — July 21, 2010 #

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Oh man this is just hilarious. Your PhotoShop skills are amazing!

Comment by Lesley — July 21, 2010 #

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I totally want Jennifer Aniston’s hair. It can be wavy, straight, short, long! I hate her. I also want her body. Please?

Comment by Lauren from Texas — July 21, 2010 #

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If it’s any consolation, they all have really really ridiculously expensive extensions. I used to have the same hair woes as you, and if you can believe it, when I was 7 years old, I actually used to wake up at 4:45 in the morning so that my mom could style my hair for me before school. Yeah, that’s right, all that for SECOND grade. Even now, my hair is a chore, but I recently bought these wonderful, human hair, clip-in extensions, and… problem solved! You should check them out!

Love your blog

Comment by confessionsofacollegegraduate — July 21, 2010 #

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That’s hilarious. I actually love your natural haircolor and style, but the Jennifer Anniston hair might be something to consider if you’re feeling super adventurous someday…

Comment by Rachel — July 22, 2010 #

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