Good Morning, Houston SWAT « A Peine For Your Thoughts

Good Morning, Houston SWAT

November 24, 2009 at 11:57 am | Posted in Houston | 12 Comments
Tags: arsonist, Houston, humor, Oklahoma, The Heights

There have been a lot of things about inner-city life in the nation’s fourth largest city that have taken some getting used to for this small-town Oklahoma broad. My first four years as a Houstonian were spent in the Plantation apartments near the Galleria; a crumbly little spot that high-rise developers forgot to bull-doze. I used to come home to an occasional note from management under my door that read something like this, “Dear Resident: A drunken male with a knife has been observed in the parking lot. Please be advised.” These notes were delivered in the exact same way as my lease renewal notices. Time to renegotiate your lease. Try not to get knifed while you’re carrying in your groceries. Happy Wednesday.

When I met Drew, we pooled our individual incomes and decided to move up in the real estate world. We bought a house! In the Heights! Where there is no management company to alert you when a knife wielding drunkard is on the loose! You just have to keep your head on a swivel in these parts.

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but someone has been setting fires in the Heights. I think there have been 18 by now. Maybe 19. We’re all still debating whether this really constitutes use of the word “serial.” I mean, doesn’t he have to set 20 before we can really decide there’s a pattern?

This is all a part of the trade-off of living in the city, Drew and I tell each other. So what if we have to set up a deer camera to keep our house from being broken into? Oh well if there’s an occasional fire down the street? We’re URBAN. We’re close to work. We have fun little shops and restaurants and interesting neighbors and kitschy old houses.

And, as of this morning, we have the Houston SWAT team as an alarm clock.

It all started at 3:30 AM with lights and noises and smoke that seemed out of place at that time of night to my exhausted brain. By the time I conjured up the strength to completely open my eyes, there was a giant unmarked van in front of our house with police officers pouring out of it, all aiming guns at Drew’s car and at our house. There was a German Shepherd, sniffing around. There was crime scene tape marking off our street. There was smoke billowing out of the house behind us. There were cops, calling up to Drew, asking if he’d seen or heard anything. And all the while, there was me, in my underwear, holding a baseball bat.

Baseball bats are very good protection against fire. Especially wooden bats, like the kind we keep under our bed.

As we watched from our bedroom window, I educated Drew on the near-impossible job of catching an arsonist.

“All the guy has to do is set the fire and run away, and by the time anyone even knows there’s a problem, he’s in the next county,” I mused, mostly to myself, rocking back and forth with my bat. “Unless he’s the type of arsonist who just can’t help but stay around and watch his fires burn.”

I admit it. Living in this town has turned me into just another armchair arson investigator.

So while we wait for the fires to stop, I try not to beg Drew to move me back to a small town. I’m trying to be a cool city-dweller. I’m trying to roll with the metaphorical punches here, making pals with the SWAT team, patting dogs trained to sniff out excelerants on my way to work. After all, there are many things we don’t have to deal with here in the big city that were major problems in Oklahoma.

Cow-tipping, for instance. Or Fruit-Looping! Waking up to a multi-colored lawn! What a nuisance.

12 Comments »

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Glad to hear you’re okay. Hopefully by the time they get this wrapped up, the commenters at the Chron will have come to a consensus on the important matter of whether you live in the Heights, Timbergrove, or Shady Acres. Seriously.

Comment by Amber — November 24, 2009 #

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- Oh tremendous. I never get tired of the insightful commentary provided by the Chron.com readers. Sorry, friends, if I’ve confused you about where I live. I wouldn’t want you to show up in the Heights to rob me when really, I live in Shady Acres. Or Timbergrove.
  
  Comment by Taryn M. Peine — November 24, 2009 #
  
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From small town Oklahoma… the building next to my work was burned by arson… or a meth lab… they’re still not sure which (three months later). At least you have a SWAT team to come check things out

Comment by Kristen — November 24, 2009 #

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- Kristen don’t ruin it for me! I want to keep Bartlesville in my memory right where it belongs…just a bunch of good old folks eating at Dink’s Pit BBQ…no METH!
  
  Comment by Taryn M. Peine — November 24, 2009 #
  
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We don’t have the SWAT team out here in the suburbs… just sayin…

Comment by Chelsea Hurst — November 24, 2009 #

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I just moved to Upper Kirby from my safe little north campus neighborhood in Austin (if you consider hobo murder and drunken frat boys safe).

The thing about living in the loop is that there are noises, but unlike other noises in the suburbs or elsewhere, I NEVER know what my upper kirby noises are. Is there a cat being date raped outside my window or is it a demon? Car engine or someone (more probably) running across the roof of the warehouse I live next to that so perfectly lines up with my bedroom window (which does not lock nor do they provide shelter from wind or noise when closed).

Needless to say I got a kick out of this entry. Atleast the baseball bat under my window is metal?

Thanks for the laugh!

Comment by Elizabeth — November 24, 2009 #

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Shouldn’t they have sent the Fire Dept. instead of the SWAT team? You know to put out the fire first? Houston… just sayin’

Comment by Opus the Poet — November 24, 2009 #

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it sucks that they woke up you like that.. but if you think about it, thanks God our lives are not boring, and we have something to laugh about..

Comment by anna rzepka — November 24, 2009 #

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Wow, what an adventure. From the sound of your suave writing, I’d say you are really getting your stride in Urban Adventure Living. Perhaps an array of various bats under the bed would give you more tools to suit all occassions? Here in the rain forest where I live, I keep TWO large, thick, Kung Fu sticks for defense against wild creatures such as bears (two sticks (bats) crossed and hit well above your head makes you look really big and bears run away) or two sticks drummed on the ground scatters aggressive smaller animals. Let a wild aggressive animal bite the one stick and you still have another stick at your disposal. Mostly two sticks –or bats — are better than one. However, we have learned, no number of sticks can help you defend against a skunk… just drop the sticks and RUUUUUNNNNN…..

You are a fabulous story teller. Keep up the writing.
cheers

Comment by Jessica — November 24, 2009 #

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That is interesting to hear. Sounds like a humongous change going from being nice and quiet all the time to being in a big city. Being involved in law enforcement I very much agree that is is difficult to catch an arsonist, but not impossible…just…a lot of work. Anyways, hope nothing happens to your home, oh and judging by the fact that there have been so many fires, he is definitely sticking around, not running away. He enjoys the power.

Good luck and hope you stay safe!

Comment by mortins — November 25, 2009 #

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is it the story from your life or your fiction?

Comment by jettroll — November 25, 2009 #

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As a non-urban Oklahoma kid who became a police officer in a Southern big city, I can understand your shock. After moving away from city-life 10 years ago and looking back, I can’t say that I miss it at all.

Hang in there.

Comment by slamdunk — November 25, 2009 #

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